


Without You

by crymeariverandrownmeinit



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (kinda)human!Gabriel, Angst, Fluff, Gabriel is a cocky sonofabitch per usual, Humor, Kinda a short story, M/M, Post- Gabriel's death, Sabriel - Freeform, Sam is a sad sad bean, low-key wing!kink, might become high-key wing!kink, new tags as the story progresses, oh and Gabriel is obsessed with lollipops... obviously, so far at least, so tell me what I can improve upon, some tears, this is mostly a Sabriel fic, this is my first ao3 fanfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-22 08:12:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19663330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crymeariverandrownmeinit/pseuds/crymeariverandrownmeinit
Summary: As Sam is left to handle the shocking aftermath of Gabriel's death, life carries on for the forlorn hunter. Yet he is in for more of a shock than he could have ever realized."Y-you, you were... You died."Gabriel smiled, his usual mischievous expression bittersweet."I told you kiddo... I never stay down for long."





	Without You

It had been harder lately. The weight of losing Gabriel was always near, bearing down on Sam's shoulders. On the worst days, Sam almost forgot how to breathe. The days when the grief became too much to bear, and when Jess's memory still lingered, hanging over him like a dark cloud. 

The past few days especially had been long and tiring. Sam and Dean had fought another Wendigo, it brought back memories, memories that Sam would rather forget. 

At the closing of their victorious battle, Dean had decided to hook up at some bar; and Sam, feeling as if he had just crawled back out of the pit, decided he should just get some rest.

As Sam reached the old, run-down motel that they were currently staying in, and fumbled with the keys, his keen ears picked up light footsteps. He tried to look for movement behind him in the reflection of the crooked metal numbers on the room door. All Sam could see was his face, warped in the metal, a seemingly more accurate picture based on how he felt than anything he had ever seen in a mirror. There was a rustling, like the crinkling of a paper or plastic. 

Sam's eyes burned with unshed tears as untimely memories flooded back to him. Of Gabriel, his bad habit of constantly having some form of confection in his mouth. It sounded like a candy wrapper. The muscles in Sam's shoulders ached with longing as he thought of the familiar crinkle that used to announce the arrival of yet another lollipop. He wished now that he hadn't scolded Gabriel so much for eating all that sugar. He wished he had instead spent that time telling him just how much he loved him. These were the constant burdens on his heart, not regret for things he had said but regret for the things he had left unspoken. 

A tear threatened to slide down his cheek and he straightened, the ache spreading down his spine, shaking away the memories like one would shake off a particularly unappreciated bout of precipitation. 

The sound came again, closer this time, and Sam turned slowly. His eyes narrowed and peered into the darkness of the parking lot, searching, straining to see under the dim motel lights. They flickered and hummed in the background, interrupted occasionally by the sizzle of a wayward fly. 

Instincts kicked in, and a burst of adrenaline flooded out any prior nostalgia Sam had been feeling. He pretended to shrug off any interest in assumed-to-be company and turned back to the door, jiggling the key in the lock. The door wouldn't open. Sam's heart beat faster as he realized the similarity of his situation to the incident when he was kidnapped by the "nice" vampires. Now though that was a learning experience, it still wasn't the most pleasant, and Sam doubted that he would be that lucky this time around. 

When he felt the hair on the back of his neck prickle, Sam knew it was close, whatever it is. Dropping the keys and spinning in one swift motion, he caught his silent stalker in a firm headlock, preparing to snap a few bones. 

He couldn't tell much from his position, but it was a man, that was for sure. He tried to wriggle away, grunting indignantly, but Sam held strong. This guy was shorter and smaller than Sam, but still was surprisingly strong, muscles shifting under the fabric of his shirt. (Sam would be appreciating this if it weren't for the current situation. BUt anyways, now is not the time to go into that sort of topic. Ahem. Back to the scuffle.) 

Sam gained control of the situation, not like he had lost it, and threw his opponent onto the sidewalk, sitting on his back and pinning his arms down above his head. Sam's vision was blurry with exhaustion and paired with the low lighting, that meant Sam couldn't really see any defining features of his opponent. But something about him almost seemed familiar. 

He wriggled beneath Sam's heavy weight and once again grunted in annoyance. When he spoke, his voice was muffled against the cold pavement. 

"Erm, Samsquatch. You know, I've imagined us in this position quite often, but usually you aren't entirely crushing me, and well," He cleared his throat, "there's less clothing involved."

Sam's grip loosened and he gasped. So many different emotions flooded through him. Betrayal, joy, sorrow, being the leading few, but also something unfamiliar. The world spun and Sam's chest tightened. His breathing became shallow and the blood in his veins felt as if it had turned to novacaine. He went numb. 

As Sam went into shock, the visitor took advantage of this momentary lapse and quickly flipped them over, reversing their previous position so that he had the upper hand. Sam hardly struggled, his eyes were closed tightly as if through force of will he could make everything go away. 

Slowly, he opened them, his eyes glazed over as he gazed into the honey colored irises of the man holding him down. The color of grass stains and mahogany meeting orbs of sunlight through a glass of whiskey. 

Both men were jolted with familiar feelings, memories of moments like this one when time stood still and the particles of dust in the air slowed to a whispering swirl. Tears formed again in Sam's eyes, spilling over and sliding down his cheeks. He tried to escape, tried to squirm away and out from under the painful weight of what he thought was his past. 

But Gabriel wouldn't move. He just sat there on Sam's stomach like a big pillow. Sam laughed, somewhat hysterically, as his body tried and failed to find an appropriate way to cope. So much was happening, yet all Sam could think about was how glad he was the Gabriel was short and, well, sort of squishy. He could accredit that to the lollipops, although Sam would never say he was complaining. 

Gabriel's free hand, the one not holding Sam's arms above his head (although they weren't really holding anything down with any sort of pressure, it was more to affirm that Sam was still there) caressed Sam's cheek, brushing away warm tears. 

Sam was laughing and sobbing at the same time, and Gabriel was more than worried. He stared down at Sam, brows furrowed in confusion. _What happened to you Sammy?_ Gabriel wondered. 

_Did you truly care about me this much? Surely I was not the one to leave you so broken?_

He needed answers. Guilt nudged at the back of his mind, he knew that he should ask before he did this, but he just 'had' to know. Gabriel put his forehead to Sam's. He felt the last of his grace leak out of his body and into the air around them, it tasted like a mix of ambrosia and copper on his tongue. 

Sam's mind flooded into his. Gabriel gasped at the pain, emotions crashing into his body like a tidal wave. Gabriel choked on tears as he felt the weight of the world transfer from Sam's shoulders to his. The hunter's eyes widened as the bottled up pressure inside himself faded, his lonely burden shared for the first time with Gabriel. 

Sam felt the cold press of the pavement leave his back, to be replaced by the caress of an angel. 

Gabriel had his arms latched around Sam in a loving embrace. It was gentle, as if Gabriel was afraid that Sam would shatter. The lump in his throat grew as Sam's face pressed against his chest. Gabriel let his wings open, feeling lost when there was no grace to accompany their arrival. Never before had he felt so small, so human. He wrapped his feathers tenderly around his broken friend, feeling like the oceans between them had receded, and he could finally see what was truly real. 

This was real. 

The scent of beer ironed shirts, shoe polish, the heady scent of the air before a storm, cherry wood and bonfire smoke. Sam's scent. 

The scratchy weave of Sam's T-shirt, the cold bite of the button's on Sam's jacket, the silky texture of Sam's shaggy hair; the hair that Gabriel's fingers were threaded through and stroking. Sam's warm skin pressed against Gabriel's. He could hear Sam's shallow breaths, feel Sam's heartbeat thumping against Gabriel's chest. 

Sam felt safe. He felt Gabriel's fingers in his hair, holding him close. He felt warm. So, so warm. Strangely warm actually.

Sam lifted his head and gasped. Golden feathers, silky and soft, hundreds upon thousands of them cocooned Sam and Gabriel in their own personal heaven. Sam reached out, his fingers brushing the soft feathers. Gabriel made a soft strangled noise and shifted his wings. They seemed to glow, emitting their own personal light which flickered across his green eyes like the dappling of sunlight through the leaves of a tree. 

He spoke and his breath came like the shadow of a whisper. "I can see your wings." It was a partial question. Gabriel nodded and looked down into Sam's eyes, his face flushed and pupils blown as Sam threaded his fingers deep into the gold silk of his wings. 

"Y-yeah." Gabriel gulped. "Yes, you can. Everyone c-can when I let them out-" Gabriel made a small sound as Sam ran his fingers again through the downy feathers near where they connected to Gabriel's back. Sam realized that Gabriel's shirt was torn in two ragged lines down his back. Sam could feel the heat of Gabriel's skin on his fingertips. Sam's eyes widened, his gaze held a question. "Why can't you hide them with your grace? You used it to read my mind." 

Gabriel stiffened, scared that Sam felt violated. But there was no anger or accusation in Sam's tone, only fact. The angel nodded slowly and sighed, looking away. He took a shaky breath and when he looked back there were tears in his eyes. He opened his mouth to explain when Sam cut him off. 

"Wait no. First how? Y-you were...You died." Gabriel smiled, his usual mischievous expression bittersweet. "I told you kiddo, I never stay down for long." 

Sam stared into Gabriel's honey colored eyes, trying desperately to read the emotions hidden behind them. He took a shuddering breath, painfully aware of the thudding of his heart and the sour taste on his tongue. "But I watched you _die_ , Gabriel! I had to live without you! Do you even know how hard that was? I-I had to," his voice cracked, anguish and confusion bleeding through, "to watch Lucifer _kill you_." The sentence was lined with a plea. 

Gabriel nodded, his heart shattered, and Sam felt a tear slide down his cheek.

"Sam, I'm so _so_ sorry that you had to see that, that you had to lose me." _That I had to lose you._

The air left Sam's lungs with a rattle, his shoulders shaking slightly. "So am I." He bit his lip and tasted copper. "But Gabe. _How_?" 

Gabriel's eyes softened, he smiled. "I made a deal with heaven kiddo. I-well I guess I kind of cheated death. Although maybe bargained with, is more accurate." 

Sam shook his head, not understanding. 

"I decided that my Sammy was worth more than my grace. They, well they let me keep the wings, and just enough grace to find and help you. I guess that heaven didn't want its favorite warrior out of commission." He took a deep breath and continued. "W-when I found you, the deal was that my grace would run out, and I would be human just like you. Albeit with some extra feathery appendages." Gabe ruffled his wings with a little smirk. 

Sam gasped and stood, moving backwards until he hit the brick wall of the motel, leaving Gabriel sprawled on the pavement. Guilt shined in Sam's eyes. "Gabriel." he breathed, his voice thick with tears, "You gave up Heaven, for _me_?"

Gabriel nodded. "Of course I did. The wings were just a bonus, you were the prize."

Sam bent suddenly, pulling Gabriel up and up _and up_ into a crushing embrace. The angel's wings brushed the ground, the wall, anything within a 20 yard radius. His feathers caused the shadows to shift and bend into what seemed from out of the corner of one's eye to be falling rain, or leaves being scattered in the wind. Maybe even a sillhouette... 

Gabriel was instantly reminded of just how capable Sam was. He wasn't the helpless human that the other angels always believed him to be. Now the angel, well- human- could appreciate the corded muscle shifting under Sam's thin T-shirt, and the way that the man could easily hold up Gabriel's entire weight. 

How the tables were turned, Sam the one providing comfort, his arms enveloping the fallen angel. Gabriel crumbled into his embrace, leaning into Sam's touch. The hunter's lips brushed his cheek and his warm breath tickled his ear. Gabriel's wings fluttered involuntarily. Sam whispered into his ear. "But Gabe, _Heaven_?"

Gabriel smiled into his shoulder. "Sammy," he said this breathlessly like the name was the only word he knew. " _You_ have always been my heaven. _You,_ have always been my home." 

All that Gabriel heard in response was three small words, but they were the three words that Gabriel had been waiting to hear fall from Sam's lips since the moment he first laid eyes upon the hunter. 

Now imagine, reader, you were standing there in the shadows on that night watching this scene unfold. If you were lucky enough to be present for the start of something so beautiful, what would you have understood to be happening? Would you have seen what I do now? 

Because that was the night, under the flickering motel lights, when two souls found their other half. When two best friends became something more. When two beings, tailor-made for each other, united after an eternity apart, clutched together as if hanging by merely a thread over a chasm as deep and vast as the universe. From them was made an unlikely pair of lovers, out of an unlikely pair of friends. 

With muddled emotions and particles of dust swirling together in the air, moving through fluttering feathers and slowing in time, who could concentrate enough to ponder the future of such a pair? We can only guess. 

Heaven can pair quite unlikely things, and love is like a pair of very unlikely wings. Now reader, all they have to learn to do-

Is fly. 

~ 

_I hope y'all enjoyed this! It was my first AO3 story so I'm sure the formatting leaves something to be desired as I'm still learning, but totally tell me what I can improve upon! Please leave Kudos and comment, seriously it means so much to me when people comment on my stories, it really makes my day!_


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